Every child comes into this world with a clean white canvas, and life fills in the colors. In my experience, that was an extremely gray area. I would start my life on a destructive personal path. When I got into my teenage years, I would slowly destroy everything in my life.
My life would continue spinning in this tornado of damage. I thought that I was hurting everyone but myself. What lies I told myself and others, what’s worse I believed them. I would get thrown a life preserver that I would be very blessed to have that would save my life; however, I would come close to drowning before using it.
In all the jumbled up fake reality, I thought I ruled the world. How bad could it be now I have my pills and alcohol all is well. I had driven a bulldozer in the window of my life for a long time. I was a walking, talking disaster. My timing superb, just like an addict. The Doctor had put me on opiates because of two surgeries.
After six months, it was time to get off of the pills. No problem, but after two weeks it was a problem, so I decided to start shopping for doctors for more pills. Doing this was easy for a little while, and then the doctors would take me off the opiates. So I started taking their prescription pads, and I was off to the races.
I never thought about what this could do to my kids or myself. I never thought of how much jail time I would get or that I was ever going to get caught. I did not believe or care. I started on this journey of slowly taking risks like every other dangerous thing I did. Like a baby needs a bottle, I needed pills.
Over and over, I wrote prescriptions using anyone’s name, writing prescriptions in at least four counties. So was it a surprise when I got caught? Yes, of all answers, yes. I thought in a sick addict’s mind that I defied the odds. What I did not know was I wanted to get caught. I was just tired. Tired of the worry, the running, and the fear of what lies ahead, still all I wanted to do it run!
Here is where my life began to go quickly downhill. Even though I thought I was six feet tall and bulletproof, I was neither one of those things. I knew I was going to need more pills and was up to one hundred a week. It was a full-time job, and I was at the point where I couldn’t live without them.
I would make that stupid mistake that addicts so frequently make and got caught. So I would get thrown the life preserver instead of a jail cell. All of this wouldn’t be how I thought it would happen. It was time to stop treading water.
It was time to stop running and start living.
A NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR
“I started writing and talking openly about my journey about 5 years ago. Writing my story and getting it out in the world as far as I could is my goal. My writing started out with journals and essays, always thinking someday I would get a book written and had no idea how to begin to do it.
So I started writing, then a website, then an opportunity for a radio show, then another, and I just kept refusing to give up. I was asked to be on a show a few months ago in 2019, from there life would change to the point where I don’t even know which way it is going. But my advocacy work today keeps my dreams alive and help others who still suffer from any addiction.
So far, I have had 15 radio spots, 2 podcasts, and was invited as a contributing chapter writer in the new book titled “Simply Amazing Women” available on Barnes and Noble and Amazon. I will then publish my new book titled “TRAPPED” sometime in 2020 or early 2021. I am currently writing another little book on Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain to release hopefully soon.”
A dream isn’t a dream anymore when we do the work, it can be a reality. “ I am living proof of that.
When we want something bad enough that will be helpful for someone else, that is the hope that it does exactly that, help.
~Author, Deb Morgan