“Holy Great Expectations”! ~ A Daily Prompt Post

Hello Writer Friends, And Welcome New Readers,

 

Great Expectations

Tell us about one thing (or more) that you promised yourself you’d accomplish by the end of the year. How would you feel once you do? What if you don’t?
http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/great-expectations/

.

.
Has there ever been a time in your life that you had big plans,¬†or maybe some Great Expectations¬†¬†of goals to accomplish today, tomorrow, or even this year? Well when you live with Bipolar Depression, PTSD, and Agoraphobia with Panic disorder, it’s even harder to accomplish those life goals,….BUT ONLY IF YOU LET!
I refuse to be a victim, nor do I let my mental disabilities hamper me from reaching for the stars!¬†And accomplish my¬†“Dreams & Goals.”

I remember how I felt when my current book got picked up by¬†a publisher, and my expectations for the book being¬†put out into the¬†world as the next NY Times best seller! Man did that expectation pop in an instant. LOL.¬†But, it did get published So I was¬†excited when I got the first copy of my¬†paperback book in my grubby little hands, that I did a Happy Dance¬†of a bunny hopping around after drinking a Red Bull!! There are¬†no words to describe the feelings of accomplishment. So one bucket list goal off my life¬†list, and now two more to go! But this time around,¬†writing seems to be taken me a wee bit longer to get these two books written and finished. The honeymoon period of my first book is over, and now the hard work has been almost done with the next two, but I’m having a hard time getting my endings down and done so¬†to hopefully get them out by this late fall. Another Great Expectation.

Many know I also live life in recovery from addicted gambling & alcohol consumption for over 7 years now, and you have no idea how many great expectations we have in recovery, especially in early recovery when we get some clean time and then have a lapse, or relapse.
It’s like disappointment after disappointment. Expectations take on a whole new¬†meaning. Not until we¬†do the work on the inside of ourselves can we begin to recover. Our loved ones also seem to put many expectations on us when we are in recovery. That can be hard on us who are trying to stay recovered. But my point in this is that when we live “In The Moment,” and “One Day At A Time,” in recovery and in life, not only can we meet all our expectations, but we are actually¬†LIVING OUR¬†LIFE! Stress, worries, thinking about yesterday or tomorrow will not let our expectations happen, as we are not focused on today, in this very¬†moment in time, to¬†be in the now!

Learning this in recovery and in treatment & therapy has enabled me to accomplish most all of my great expectations so far. Again, when my first book came out, it truly was a work of a power greater than myself. All I did was let the powers at be guide me when the words of my book came pouring out of my heart and soul into white paper with lines. Yes, I wrote all my words to my book by hand in 5 notebooks of paper, and 2 pencils. Once I started writing I could not stop until all the terrible, ugly, darkness I went through with my addiction was all out of my soul. Until I felt I could actually see on paper with my own two eyes. Then?…..That was that.|

That part of my life was over. Made my amends to myself. That was Jan. 2011, and¬†on Nov 26, 2012 on my 50th birthday I had my very first published book in my hands. I felt like one blessed girl. I can’t tell you how many blessings given,¬†and how many¬†doors have opened since then.
.


.
One of the biggest, hugest, greatest expectations of my life had just transpired.¬†What’s the moral of my story? Never give up on those Great Expectations of life. Always shoot for the stars! No matter how long it may take you¬†to achieve what you want in life, always know we all have it inside us to do what ever we want. May God Bless You with all your Great Expectations in Life!
.
Author, Catherine Townsend-Lyon

Weekly Writing Challenge: Power of Names…HHHHMMMMM

“What Is A Name Worth To You? Does It Mean Access”?

.
Weekly Writing Challenge: Power of Names
Names are powerful objects. Our names are significant to us and we keep them private, sharing rarely if at all. Sometimes names are used as a sort of ‚ÄúGet out of jail free‚ÄĚ card, as in the classic fairy tale Rumpelstiltskin. Names can give you access that others don‚Äôt have. Literature and fairy tales are obsessed with the power names can have over people and objects. This week, we‚Äôre asking you to take a look at what names mean to you…
.
I remember one special thing my publisher told me before my current book¬†was published and released out into the big wide world. He said, “You will now be known as Author, Catherine Townsend-Lyon to the world. And you’ll find that many doors will open for you.”…..
.
Well, a little of what he shared with me that day was true. But I’m not a “vain” person. My book was not written to become a literary “Best Seller,” or¬†to become rich or famous.¬†It’s¬†intension is to bring “HOPE” to others like myself who have been “judged” because of “STIGMA” around issues that have effected, and touched my life personally like, Addicted Gambling, Mental illness and disorders, and Child sex abuse survivors. I wanted my name to leave an impact on others to be known as a woman who turned her life around to do some good¬†in this world.
.
See, even though my name¬†is becoming well-known in¬†the¬†recovery, mental health, and abuse survivors¬†communities,¬†I have noticed some differences when I use my name as, “Author” Catherine Townsend-Lyon.” It seems many take me more seriously, and in a more professional manner. I guess it comes down to how comfortable we are with sharing our name in this manner. I don’t write, author books, or¬†blog¬†to¬† become a “professional writer,” I don’t see myself that way. I want my name to stand for something “positive” in the world.
.
Not to be remembered as the “Sick, Addicted, Crazy Woman” of my past. I have come¬†so far in my 7 year recovery for that! To continue to help “Shatter Stigma,” inform and raise awareness of these very important issues. That’s what I want my “name” to represent.
.
Yes, my name as an “Author’ has brought me many “blessings” like being interviewed as “Guest Author” on several radio shows, and “Guest Author &¬†Blog Expert of gambling addiction” for¬† a month on websites, have had many articles written about me, my book, and recovery. I’ve been asked as “Guest author speaker” at conferences, and more. So I guess in that aspect, my “Name” has given me some access, and a wee bit of privilege. But ALL for the right reasons! That’s what is most important to me about “My Name”…
I’m far from being a “professional” writer, author, blogger, and advocate,” but, “I AM A Work In Progress”!
What’s Your Name’s Hidden Meaning?¬† “A few things it told me about “MY NAME” of
Author, Catherine Townsend-Lyon;
.
You are usually the best at everything … you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic “Type A” personality.
You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way.
You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless – and you have a lot of questions about life.
You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.
Success comes rather easily for you…..HHHHMMMMMMM.

I Was Just A Little Girl From I Thought, A Normal Family…..

“ONCE UPON A TIME I WAS JUST A LITTLE GIRL”
.
Daily Prompt: Those Dishes Won’t Do Themselves (Unfortunately)

.
Young, Little and Innocent. Doing everyday things little girls seem to do. Play hopscotch, dress-up, play with Barbie and Ken, and loved my “easy bake oven.” But then one day that all changed….
All I ever¬†wanted was ¬†“Unconditional Love” from my parents. I spent a lot of years just wanting their “Approval,” and just to hear, “Catherine, we are proud of you”…It took to many years to count….

.
“ONCE UPON A TIME WHEN I WAS A LITTLE GIRL”
I remember the¬†first time¬†awful things happened to me as a little girl.¬†It started as a¬†game while playing with my little best friend at her house up the street.¬†Her parents were working, and her high school brother was home¬†babysitting her. The afternoon started with “Ice Cream, Candy, and Games”¬†as they say abusers “Groom” their victims. Then we played a game of hide n seek, and somehow I¬†ended up in a bedroom closet with HIM, all alone in the dark.

In that dark black closet, things happened to me that no little girl need EVER go through. I felt scared, alone, and confused when he touched me.¬†He told me if I told anyone he would hurt me, and my parents would know I was a liar, and wouldn’t believe me. They would punish me. Sadly, I believed him…
This happened many times. Times when my friend and I had sleep overs at her house, or just playing during the day.¬†He would always somehow get me alone. This went on for a few years until one day,……he died.

I then began to think it was all my fault that he died. You see, every night when I was in bed alone, I would say my nightly prayers to god,¬†and I¬†always ended with a “plea” to have god make HIM not touch me ever again in that hurtful way. I prayed to god if he would just let him¬†die or go away¬†so he could not hurt me again.

Our family was told by his parents that he had the flu real bad,¬† he must have got up¬†during the night in his room and he fell and hit his temple of his head on the night stand. He¬†fell face down and was bleeding from the nose & mouth and suffocated. His parents were devastated, and my parents couldn’t believe the loss of a child.¬†I remember his mom crying uncontrollable. My parents helped my best friends parents get through it by helping with making funeral arrangements. So of this I learned when I got older, as our parents stayed friends for many years to come.

I still¬†began to slowly withdraw into myself.¬†I felt dirty. I could not process why, but it’s how I felt. I knew what he was doing was wrong,¬†and I felt helpless to say no or stop it. Even they way I acted around others when he was around my family didn’t even wave any red flags. People thought I was being shy, when inside my head I was screaming!! And now he has died! I felt it was all my fault. More hurtful baggage¬†I’d carry into adulthood. I also could not understand my best friends feelings. She had no reaction to her brother’s death. No tears, didn’t talk, nothing,…..kind of like me. Of course later in life that made me feel that he had to¬†have been hurting her to.

I know it sounds cold, but I felt a sense of relief that he would not touch again.¬†But sadly, it only lasted a year or so. As another man became my next monster. A man who was a friend of my fathers.¬†And¬†my nightmare began all over again…..WHY ME?
.

“ONCE UPON A TIME I WAS JUST A LITTLE GIRL”….
.
Embedded image permalink